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Culturally Fit - Part I

I want to start a series of entries about the cultural stuff I have encountered throughout my time in the states.  I want to be as objective as possible.  The purpose of this is to give my own perspective about fitting in a culture across the continent. 

For people like me who grow up in Hong Kong til highschool, then went to college in states and worked for many years, there are two scenarios for people like me when it comes to deciding a long-term 'home' in a cultural context:

A. Assimilating American Culture
To fully utilize or enjoy what America can offer to individuals, you have to totally immerse yourself into the American culture.  What does that mean?  It means giving up your own Hong Kong culture (or what they called FOB-ness) and be ready to be Americanized.  Action items are:

• Build your social circles around caucasians and those who enjoys living in the states but born and raised in a foreign country.
• Give up your hobbies you have developed while you are a kid in HK, and embrace what American culture gives you.
• Cut ties with your FOB friends, and hang out with your Caucasian or Asian American friends
• Develop American hobbies, like football, baseball, basketball, skiing etc.
• Stop following HK news and gossips! 
• Be aware of U.S. news and politics.

B. Go Back to where you belong (be it Taiwan, or HK, or China)
Go back to work and live where you have grown up.  This is the only way for you to completely get back to your own cultural identity and not feel alienated.

• Re-build friendships with old classmates, relatives and childhood friends.  Since you have not been seeing them for quite some time, TIME is needed to re-build these friendships
• Be mentally ready for adjustments in living style and working habits.  U.S. culture and Chinese culture, afterall, is two vastly different culture.  I am talking about reverse cultural-shock here!!  Some people can't take it, some can; some takes shorter time, some takes longer.  Be adaptive and flexible.
• There will still be some 'American Way' inside you.  Treasure it and use it as your 'edge' towards locals.  It always comes in handy - your English, your oversea's experiences, your broad exposure, your friendship circle etc......

C. Experience a brand-new culture
This is for the young and brave who can challenge themselves to live in another country - Europe, Middle-East etc.  Yes, I know friends who are multicultural-aware and spend time in foreign countries exploring and learning lots.  This is probably the most rewarding experience one can get.  But of course, can you sustain life with this kind of backpacking lifestyle?  Can you live a nomad life?  This gets tougher if you are married and/or have childen.

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I have seen numerous people who are 'in-between'.  Some can tolerate it, some cannot.  A lot of people ended up getting stuck with the same group of people for many many years, because they neither 1) want to transform themselves into a more Americanized person, nor 2) Go back to the country where they belong.  Of course, if you are close or ready to retire, it doesn't matter as you just want to live a quiet life doing whatever you like.  But if you are still young, then why not give yourself a chance to be A or B or C?  Calculate your risks, and pick something that is suitable to you.  No one but yourself can control the destiny of yourself.

Some Updates

I haven't been seriously updating what's up with myself here for a while.  So i think it's a good time to write something here.

So I have been living in Hong Kong for the past 6 months.  Although still finding that right job, living in Hong Kong is better than I originally thought.  I enjoy the convenience of taking MTR, KCR, buses and mini-buses daily going to various places; there are so many air-conditioned malls and shopping centres it is so great just do window shopping inside them; then there is the variety of food and beverages and desserts available anywhere in the city.  The prices are very cheap and the taste is good; the convenience of calling friends and have fun - sing K, go to concerts, just chat, have dinner etc; TV is local - informative news covering world news, lots of funny shows and variety programmes, movie channels 24 hours a day plus music channels; convenience of going to nearby asian countries for vacation like Korea, Japan, Singapore, China, Taiwan; and then my flat is great.  It is quiet and cool and I try to keep it as clean as possible; making friends at church, meeting old friends who come back from bay-area to live, seeing relatives, spend time with old classmates...

So far I just have to say I am so glad to have made the decision to come back to HK
this past March.

smart girls make bad choice when it comes to relationships

Not to generalize everyone, but from what I see...here are just a sample:

- a pretty, confident, smart, kind lady who majored in nursing.  Two excellent guys approached her.  She chose one over the other.  Big mistake because the other guy was an obvious better choice.  Ended up the first guy didn't want her either.  Good thing is that she met the third guy a few years later and got married.  Close call though because the first two guys are nothing but excellent and exceptional!

- my primary schoolmate, smart and cute.  Dated many guys during her 20s and broke up with all of them.  Decided to not date but play and have fun.  Now approaching 30, she has no boyfriend and no prospect!  In bad shape too, how sad.

- my ex: Stanford grad, MIT accepted her but refused to go :D  Dated me for a few months.  Broke up with me with not much of a reason.  She's now attending seminary and don't think she is seeing anyone...also in bad shape.  I think 27 for ABC is considered oldl!?

So, conclusion is that the smarter a girl, the worse a choice they make when it comes to relationships.  Sad but true.

What I wanna say is: Guys need to be the decision-maker when it comes to dating and relationships.  No exception.

Journey came to a halt

Approximately 15 minutes after I posted my last entry, someone called.  And then, everything becomes clear.  So clear that I think I have pretty much made up my decision.  Yes, maybe I am being too logical or too rational, but with the options presented in front of me, I really don't have much choice left.  Once again, I have miscalculated things and it costs me a little bit of emotion and feels a little stressed out.  But since the other party is just simply not mature enough, the plan will have to come to an infinite halt.  It's sad, but better to halt it (even end it) without causing too much pain to people, and to myself of course. 

I am glad I can handle the situation well and not causing too much havoc.  It's simply a matter of experience and showing some gentleman calibor.  It's all good.

Journey begins

Too much thinking can be bad for health.  I think I have been in this state for the past few days.  Without a chance to talk, I have no idea why such action is taken.  So all I can do is guess and guess and guess, which i dislike. 

Someday, I need to sit down with her and talk about the incident.  For now, I think I just chill it and see what happens.  Every possibilities I have explored, and I just hope it is just a small glitch somewhere along the communication line.  A small glitch...

Determination

I need to stop wasting my time on the 'bad' girls and start paying more attention to the 'good' girls.  It's a total time-waster to spend any seconds doing anything with the 'bad' ones.  Ha!

Solitude

This weekend, I had chances to see many people especially at church.  But I feel I want to be alone at the same time. 

Yes, I do really enjoy spending time with the current group of people at fellowship.  They are a bunch of lovely people whose spiritual lives touch me in various aspects.  Their prayers, their caring words, even their craziness in UNO...I find them so cute!

I am being so quiet when I am among people.  Maybe it is because work-wise, there will be changes ahead and I do feel there will be challenges ahead and in thinking mood.  And there are things, I do not want to disclose too much at this moment and just want to keep it to myself and a few good friends.  Things are progressing well, I must admit.  And I have seen the Lord's mercy throughout the entire process.  It is challenging me to rely on Him and let go of my assumptions and wants, and focus on what He wants me to be/become.

Today someone at church shared about her wants are not the wants of the majority of people.  Hard to get peer-recognition.  It gets me thinking: I am the same kind of people.  Do we really need to be very rich, very successful in your field, buy a house etc?  Can we have other goals in life?  Do these goals count as successful as well?  Can we have individual goals and wants and still be recognized by the society and others?  It seems that the society has already defined what is 'successful', and everyone need to follow it so you will get recognized and be part of the elite.

But, I think, LIFE is much much more than just be an elite and earn a lot of $$.  LIFE is about interacting with people, experiencing cultures, being close to God, filling yourself with knowledges, helping others in need......No, there are no contradiction with being elite.  But being elite has a price to pay.  This price can be heavy.  Might need to do things that will hurt others, or do things that is totally against ethics.  I can never do things against my will and my well-being.

 

I realized I don't like to give reasons to support my arguments while doing casual talking.  Sometimes people get a little confused with what I said.  It is because I assume people are smart enough to know what I am implying.  I think I need to be a little more conscious with my arguments and give more reasons to support them and talk about the reasons.  Yes, I am usually too lazy to try to explain things to people.  Not that I don't like explaining, but when comments are casual or if the conversation is just random, there is no point to do explanations.  At least that's what I believe.  It works for some people but do not work for many others.

Yes, I need to be more sensitive.  More sensitive to others' feelings; more sensitive to others' needs; more sensitive to my own words; more sensitive to how others perceive me.  Oh so much to learn at age 29!

I am a Peacemaker

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